Author: Deb L Waters

Six years ago January 18, I received some devastating news, yet expected news. I was at work when my manager called me into his office saying I had a phone call. [Mind you now, I do not normally receive calls while I’m working and especially not on a work phone.]

What news did I receive, you ask? The phone call was from my brother in Texas. He called to let me know our mom had passed during the early morning hours. Yes, that is devastating news to receive and even more so while you are working. Needless to say, my work day ended after that phone call. I had arrangements I needed to make. Arrangements for my daughter and myself to travel to Texas for her memorial service and help my brother with the arrangements. Most of her arrangements were already preplanned.

Notice I said in the beginning the news was expected, just not the when. Why was it expected, you may wonder or might not? You see, my mom was dying from cancer. The type of cancer doesn’t matter. By this time in her life she had had several different types of cancers. She had received the chemotherapy, the radiation, and whatever was decided by her doctors for her previous cancers. This time around she made the decision that she wasn’t going to go through all of those treatments again. She had previously watched how the treatments affected my dad when he received the treatments when he was diagnosed and treated for cancer. (As of December 31st, it has been 28 years since my dad passed from cancer.) After receiving her diagnosis of cancer this last time, I believe she was ready to join her husband, loved ones, and friends in heaven.

Her passing affected me even though we were not close in my adult life. I loved my mom, don’t doubt that and I know she loved me. However, I truly felt that she did not like me or anything about me. To me, (my opinion only) she favored my brother and his family over me and my family. Now if you asked him, he’d probably disagree with my opinion. That doesn’t matter, that’s how I felt.

When she passed in January of 2019, I had not seen my mother since 2010 when she along with my brother came out to watch my daughter graduate from high school. Even then, she only spent a few hours with my daughter and myself the whole time she was in the Carolinas. They stayed with my dad’s sister, we saw them the for an hour the Thursday before my daughter’s graduation, at her graduation, and then for an hour at her graduation/birthday party the Sunday after her graduation. To me, it felt like very little time. Especially since afterwords, she moved from her home in San Diego to Plano, Texas to be near my brother and his family. Back then, I felt hurt and probably resented that she was closer to my brother.

Nowadays, I think I should have reached out to her more instead of just living my life struggling to provide for my family. It is sad that we didn’t have the kind of relationship that I now wish we had. The saying is true, you never know what you have or could have had until it is gone. I still think of my mom at times. Especially this time of year and in October around her birthday.

I do not mean to sound frustrating, angry, or like I’m having a “pity party.” Sometimes, you just need to let go of things, pour your heart out, and try to remember the good times.

Here is a few photos of my mom …

Remember you may click on each photo for larger enhanced viewing.

Monday Portrait

Also linking to Judy’s Numbers Game #57-178

God Bless. Thank you for visiting, sharing your time and listening ear with us. I appreciate y’all very much.